partners
by minachandler
Summary: "Partners… they have each other's backs. No matter what. I was in the field at less than one hundred per cent, and that is entirely on me." 6x02 fic.


The sweat feels cold on Dinah's back as she sighs, bo-staff in her hand, and looks up at John. She hates herself for having to say it, but she has to. "What do we both know?" John grimaces. "I need you to say it."

He sighs too. "You nearly got killed last night because you couldn't rely on me."

"Because you're compromised," she reminds patiently.

"I know, I know. Things just got worse than I was willing to admit," says John. Dinah takes a step towards him, takes a breath.

"That's okay," she tells him, and she means it.

But John shakes his head. "No, it's not. Because you're not just my friend, Dinah."

And that catches her completely off-guard; for a moment, she loses her composure and has to tear her gaze away from him.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

He reaches out, then, touches her arm. "You're my partner." And at this she lets out the breath she only now realises she was holding. "And partners… they have each other's backs. No matter what. I was in the field at less than one hundred per cent, and that is entirely on me."

"John, no. Don't. Don't say that. You can't blame yourself for what happened to you."

"That's what Lyla would say," he says softly, and his hand falls to his side.

"So you haven't told her?" she says disbelievingly. "John -"

"She doesn't tell me a lot of things," John interrupts. "And you know things have been rocky between us, Dinah, ever since we got back from Lian Yu, especially after everything Oliver did with Argus."

Dinah softens at this. "You mean after you continued to stand by him after what he did."

"Yeah. In her mind, I made a choice. And I chose my best friend over my wife."

She shakes her head. "That's not a betrayal, John. That's loyalty. And we all know why Oliver did what he did. It's not like he had a choice. But this is - _life_ -changing. She needs to know."

To her surprise he stands his ground. "I'll tell her in my own time," he says firmly. Just like I'll tell Oliver in my own time."

"Fine," she says, relenting. "Just… can you tell me one thing?"

"What?"

"How - how bad is it?"

John closes his eyes, and she wonders for a moment if he's going to answer her. But then he starts to open his shirt. He goes slow, grimacing the whole time, and when he undoes the last button he pulls his shirt aside so she can see the scar on his chest that runs several inches all the way to his shoulder.

"Doctor Schwartz said it could have been been a lot worse."

"Who says it's not? I - the number that must have done on your head, John… you should see someone about it. Talk about it properly."

John tries to smile but doesn't quite manage it. "Dinah, we put on masks and fight criminals at night with a guy who is pretty much Robin Hood. And you think I need a shrink?"

She shakes her head. "Not a shrink. Someone to talk to."

"Yeah, well, if I was more forthcoming with you, maybe you wouldn't have almost been strangled to death last night."

Dinah raises her eyebrows. "I don't know if you realised, but you're literally talking to a metahuman. And a cop."

He holds his hands up. "Hey, I'm not saying you've ever been some - damsel in distress to me. Far from it. I know you can take care of yourself just fine. Just like I know…"

But for some reason he trails off, now, and Dinah realises her heartbeat has quickened in anticipation.

"Like you know what?" she says, and she surprises even herself with how steady her voice is. John lifts his hand to touch her bare shoulder, but his fingers are quivering, so Dinah reaches out, grasps his wrist firmly with her hand.

"Like I know what it's like," he breathes, "to come close to losing you."

"I'm right here," she tells him. "Alive and kicking."

"I know," he says softly. "But - the last few months… I've come to realise how much you mean to me."

And it's then that she becomes aware of their proximity, the fact that up close she can see the hard line of John's jaw and feel his pulse throb incessantly against her thumb. And it would be easy, so easy, for her to lean in, close the small distance between them, like she's dreamed of doing so many times.

But she can't do that. Because there is a line, and no matter how much her heart aches for him, to the point that she would shatter every window in Star City if screaming about it made her feel better, she can't cross it. She knows she can't. And he knows too.

Still, she can't help but lift her hand to his cheek and ever so lightly touch his jaw. Dinah allows herself that tiny comfort, a puddle of guilt instead of a sea of it, because at least that is more manageable. He closes his eyes as if savouring her touch and Dinah feels like they could have been standing there in the bunker for days.

"Go home, John," she tells him finally.

And then it's like John's taken out of a trance as Dinah lets her hand fall to her side. "Yeah," he says, and he buttons up his shirt and straightens his back - ever the soldier. "Yeah, I should."

"And, uh, if I pushed you too hard earlier, I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "You have nothing to apologise for when it was your neck on the line. Literally."

She watches as he makes his way to the elevator and Dinah walks several paces behind him, bo-staff still in her hand, while John presses the button. It's when the doors slide open that she speaks, though. "You - you mean a lot to me too, okay?"

John looks up, surprised, and they share a smile as the doors slide shut.


End file.
